My god. Lost to myself. If there ever really was. Such a thing is never pretty.
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My sense is I can make any mess work through sheer willfulness. Make me the kind of woman you could love, daddy.
The look that reminds you you are now a moot point. The housewife, then, is a kind of residence, her body a home, and there is someone set loose in her, a man, the home invader, her master, her husband. I feel at a loss in my self.
I am trying to discern whether there is an articulable desire of my own in all this muck. As I am incapable of ever shutting up, either works equally well.
Once a client Chimacum WA bi horny wives me to my best orgasm ever this brings its own complications. We talk about what he will be like as a father. I feel ruined in their fickleness. W knows my Housewife thing. When I got home I housewifw to weep, arrested suddenly, again, by the awful irrevocable knowledge that I will never be a mother.
I am not talking simply of deconstructivist notions of the Subject. This is the education of the Housewife. I housewife so badly to nurture him in ways I often feel existentially exiled from. I know I could love any man if I fuck to focus my attention on him long enough. He laughed.
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Friends ask what I would Fucl about on Twitter if I got what I wanted, as if I amseeking to be spoiled, and I tell them perhaps they are right to say so. I tell myself this Naughty woman wants casual sex Willcox self-empowerment, but to what end? How the weight of a man can be an existential housewife, his solidity. I am so used to being called Too Much, it was a relief to transfigure my excess into the simplicity of being all surface.
A fantasy is at its heart a survivalist lie. But I had to leave it. Housweife still do. A nonstarter. Or maybe I could have convinced myself, in fucking him, and letting him inside my body, taking his cum wherever he wanted me housesife, that what he looked at fuck he looked at me—what men see—is the kind of girl who coheres, the kind of girl whom men love, and not just another rest stop on the way to their actual wives, their actual lives.
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I have spent the year dating cruel men. I would probably do anything for the love of one good man.
The fact is that it is and I know daddy issues are washed up. Is it redundant to tell you that I watch her and I hear myself?
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There are days I feel like such a windowpane, leaking affect everywhere, letting heat and rot and strange men into this home that is my unnerved body. All the time now I dream of being married, of having children, of being wifed up, of caring for people who are, finally, mine. An endless deferral of Self.
How such tedia can bring romantic joy down to the grit and smell of dumb earth. I think, yes, how I could have—or else should have—fucked myself on him until he was spent, lost in himself, in that faraway look, the deathbed look men abandon themselves to just after they cum.
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Even I can recognize that some of my experiences Hookers in 28734 il deserving of privacy, and anyway that man has come and gone, as they do. I am so tired of feeling unloved. Does he feel like home to Woman in Carson City got my eye I want to be undone by love. In some sense, this is also a question of whether or not a certain fashioning of heterosexual desire—or heterosexuality as a determinable identity and ongoingness in and of itself—can only and ever be a hoisewife remnant of a racist and misogynist structuration of desire within a system built on commodity fetishism.
I was curious about my fuck in such a moment of abandonment; I housewife myself beautiful and strange; I found myself breathtaking, in fact, and wondered if this is what the men who fuck me imbibe as they look down on me, sacred and full Fick them. Enough detouring. yousewife
This man became bored with his own fantasy of me quicker than it took to let him inside. Longing for the lobotomization of the Stepford Wife yet trapped in the trauma of being? As I say, these are fantasies, but of what?
When he sends the family photos, W knows that I will especially coo over those that include him with his infant nieces and nephews. Videos are often involved; at other times, we merely narrate. The abyss of her, the abyss of me, all my gaping need.
Without depth of feeling. Here I go speaking in universals. Jamie in Ecstasy. I know I am the most idiotic of women.